So I went to the three boxes that I had found looking for the lights to go on the outside of the house. I know exactly where they are located. Easy task right? Wrong.
I go to the box where all of the lights are located because in my infinite wisdom I relocated them all to one box. I find the regular little lights that have served their purpose for many years and toss them aside. I find the nice LED lights that were purchased for the tree. I gently set those aside. I'm out of lights. There is something wrong. I launch Brain 1.0 and enter the search string "outside LED Christmas lights" 2 results found. Yes I did purchase some last year and took them down before moving. I'm in the garage and complete a 360 degree rotation. Crap.
Two hours later and many boxes looked into I still have no lights. I am going to buy more! I look at a major hardware store's website and find some interesting LED lights that appear to be 150 feet long. The price is excellent. I hop in the minivan and head on over.
I stroll up to the Xmas light aisle and find what I am looking for. Only one problem, the box says 12.5 feet. Now I know that I'm not crazy and know that I read the website correctly. It said 150. I head home and jump back on the website. I squint really hard while looking at the dimensions of the lights I would like to purchase. Some of you may have figured out where I went wrong at this point; for those that haven't I will bore you with some math. I had an epiphany. Ready? 12 inches in a foot. Still haven't figured it out? 150 divided by 12. Want me to put it another way? 150 / 12 = 12 x 12.5 What's that mean? It means some genius in marketing decided to put the inches measurement on the website and the feet measurement on the box. They used a font small enough that when glanced at the " appears as a single '. I got suckered into going into the store. But the fool I am not. I bought nothing on that trip and will probably not shop at that establishment for about a month.
I still have no LED lights. I start stringing the old incandescent style lights that I found earlier hoping that I have enough. I do not. Dag nabbit! Back to the garage because I WILL find those LED lights. Commence the tear down. Again. They are not in any of the boxes. Wait....there's one more box buried in the back I have not checked yet. I gingerly open the box hoping against hope. They are not in there. I kick the box and hear a tap sound on the ground. Wha? I tilt the box away from the wall. I see a single LED light. I grab that sucker and pull with all my might. I have found them! I hear trumpets playing and then fanfare. Stupid radio.
So I hang the lights up and head inside to tell Melissa of my discovery and subsequent hanging. "That's good honey."
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